I find a lot of cis-men that I dated did act very "pro" sex work, and seem okay with the industry - but when it's their partner being a past/present Sex Worker I received a completely different attitude. And because of this, I did find a huge difference in how my job was accepted in relationships with cis-men compared to relationships with Queers. Obviously my experiences can happen to anyone, in any relationship (abuse in queer relationships is something that is seriously swept under the rug) - but I find a lot of cis-men are socialised to have the madonna/whore complex. I do think that this honesty has also been more prevalent in my relationships with people who are not cis-men. Being open about it has definitely set me free, and I now have really healthy dialogue with my most recent partners about my time in the industry and also the prospects of returning one day.
Since I've been more public about my experience in the industry, I've done a lot of healing. So when people ask me - how did I manage sex work and my love life? I don't think I did manage it well at all - in fact, it was a complete mess. I also found myself in a lot of financially abusive dynamics, where I was expected to provide for my partner, but at the same time was shamed because of how I was getting the money. Sex Work was something I was really good at, and loved - so feeling controlled and shamed about it was awful. The amount of stress and anxiety this caused me was unimaginable, as I felt like I couldn't be myself.
Because of these comments, and my financial position (and lack of work experience in other industries/gaps in my resume etc,) I often would lie, and say that I had quit the industry but actually I was working behind my partner's back. There was also a pattern of partners being okay with my job at first, but then being controlling, saying whorephobic things and shaming me into quitting the industry later in the relationship. I found myself censoring aspects of what I did at work, and that really ignited an internal dialogue of self-hate and damaging whorephobic beliefs about myself. And that's why telling partners was such a difficult conversation. The sense of shame that I felt about my job was huge, because the stigma of being a sex worker and the discrimination I faced from my community was so overwhelming at the time. But over, and over again for each partner. In the beginning, I always felt like it was something I had to 'announce' to potential partners, almost like a 'coming out'. Working in the adult industry for such a long time, I always found it extremely difficult to navigate relationships and my job. The issues of sexual orientation and sexual behavior (as well as the points they differ and overlap) still require further research and are more complex than most believe.How did you manage sex work and your love life? Politics is all about rights and bills, which genuinely affect people the most. Though, it’s worth mentioning that the recent year saw a rise of several pro-LGBT religious groups, including individual churches, synagogues, and denominations. Religion comes from the perspective of religious fundamentalism. Healthcare is all about biology, particularly neurobiological research, and our psychosexual development studied by Freud. As every field brings its side of sexuality to the front, and none take a comprehensive approach. And we doubt they’ll achieve a common ground anytime in the future. Is it a choice or a predisposition? The best minds of our world have not come to a unanimous conclusion yet. Numerous scientists, psychologists, healthcare professionals, and even religious activists are debating the nature of homosexuality (as well as other kinds of sexuality). Why am I gay ? That is a question that is even harder to answer.